Then the sons of Israel cried out to the Lord saying, We have sinned against You, for indeed, we have forsaken our God and served the Baals." My idol: SELF!
This was from my quiet time this morning!!!!!!! I was convicted, I guess. I feel like I have sinned in this area, but I'm not convinced! I'm praying for the Lord's real true and undeniable conviction.
Amorri was here this past week! We had so much fun. We don't normally get to spend that much time with her bc she's with her daddy most of the time she's here. But because he was in the hospital from the gunshot wound she was with us ALL week. We had a blast. I was wondering why it seems so much more fun when she's here. Last night I threw around many possibilities. This morning after reading that verse I believe it's because I give my life away @ that time . . . I'm not selfish. I want her to have a good time so I'm not concerned about how I'm going to get my time, my rest, my refreshment! The thing about it is, that's only temporary. I know I'll only have to do that for a few days!! How do I then make that my lifestyle. Dying to self continually!!!!!!
As I cried out to the Lord this morning like the Israelites. I confessed to the Lord my fear of starting well on this journey of self denial, but then failing miserably. I've been down this road before and I've never made it very far. Well that's not true. I've grown a lot in this area, but I don't continue down the road. I travel a distance and, I guess, figure I've gone far enough and stop traveling. I may even turn back a little.
It's amazing how the Lord brings His message from many different areas. Yesterday @ church Terrance was preaching from 1 Peter 2:11 Beloved, I urge you as aliens and strangers to abstain from fleshly lusts which WAGE WAR against your soul."
This selfishness I've served and not God!! The Lord has revealed this many times and I've experienced such freedom when I'd surrender to the Lord's will and call, but over time I wouldn't continue. So as I cried out to the Lord this morning I confessed my lack of perseverance and prayed that He would uphold me in the fight against my self! I know I can't do it without His help! I've tried far too many times, far too many years!!
So AGAIN I surrender to this call from the Lord because that is what this is!!!
The Lord has called me. . . through my circle of influences, my hearts desire, prayer and circumstances . . . to this very thing! This parenting, this homeschooling, this minstry!
It WILL require much more of my life than I really want to give! It's not unreasonable though, Jesus gave it all for me!
@JohnPiper: There are dreams that should wait for the age to come. The world is fallen and there are other things to do. They will come.
There will be a time when the war will cease and I will have time for other things. Even in this life that day will come. But this isn't it and ultimately rest will only come when Jesus does!! Can I embrace that? A life of work and war for the Kingdom of God and the Glory of the King!! O how I long for the answer to be a final YES!!! but I know it's only by God's grace. I need it so much!!! and I know that it will be a constant fight!!! I'm at war and it's a battle for my soul! By God's grace, I'm ready to fight!!!!