The Lord is amazing and He is intimately involved and concerned about the details of our lives. He wants good for us. He really does but that good doesn't always come in the way we want or the timing we want!! I know we know that, but last night it hit me smack in the face.
Alonzo and I cancelled our YMCA membership when we moved to Tuskegee. I have regretted it ever since. We know how life in Tuskegee has been a struggle for me and I really felt like having the option of going to the Y a couple of times a week would really help. Alonzo was not so sure. We've had tons and I mean tons of conversations about this over the last 6 MONTHS!!! We never could come to a conclusion. I must confess that I didn't at all times handle it well. I had to repent and ask for forgiveness at least once if not more times. I really should have left it alone along time ago and just waited on the Lord to work it out. There were different times when I felt that way,but something would happen that would be the "perfect opportunity" to bring it up, so I couldn't resist.
Yesterday was one of those times. We had a very normal and I think helpful conversation about life in Tuskegee and ways to make it work for our family. As the day was ending and we were coming home from my parents house. I thought, "what if the Lord really doesn't want me to have a Y membership and it really wouldn't be the best thing for my family?" I said to myself, "ok Lord I'm going to leave it alone and just trust you...for real this time" :)
Alonzo asked me something and I told him that I was going to leave the whole Y situation alone. I was not going to bring it up again. I was going to step back and let him lead and trust the Lord. I had never told him before that I wasn't going to bring it up and believe me telling him would give me some serious accountability! He said "ok" and I thought that was that!
I started thanking the Lord for the ways that I could exercise and trying to come up with a plan. I prayed that the Lord would open up a gym in Tuskegee (you know praying for the prosperity of the city where I'm in exile :)) I was really trying to put feet to my faith.
About five minutes later Alonzo said almost to himself "we're going to have to adjust our budget if we were going to do the Y"
I thought that was a little strange. He hadn't said anything even hinting in the direction of rejoining the Y in 6 MONTHS!!!! But I was trusting the Lord so I didn't say anything at all!
We came home and I was thanking the Lord for my home and my children. You know continuing to put feet to my faith...trusting in the Lord. We laid the children down and I started unloading and loading the dish washer. Alonzo came and sat in the kitchen just chit chatting. All of a sudden he said, "I don't think joining the YMCA would be a problem" You don't understand! I literally almost hit the floor. I had been waiting to hear those words for 6 MONTHS with NO!! response.
I knew immediately it was the Lord! I started thinking oK so what was my lesson, because clearly this was a setup and for a purpose. As soon as I truly surrender it to the Lord He gives what I've been asking for for (let's all say it together) 6 MONTHS . I was almost too overwhelmed at the Lord to realize I could finally rejoin the Y. I ran over and hugged and kissed Alonzo!
I then started asking the Lord what my lesson was. I love the Old Testament! To see the Lord full of wrath but also with overwhelming compassion. He warns and warns and warns the Israelites of the consequences of turning away from Him, but in the same breath He often tells them how He will bless them if they turn from their sin and back to Him. He is good and wants to do good to His people!! I felt like that was the case last night. The Lord really used this to teach me to trust Him. I really struggled to do that the whole time. When I'd had enough of that lesson (from His perspective) and moved forward in that area, He blessed me. Immediately!!!
I know that it won't always be that way. That's ok! I'm very grateful for this time, but I'm equally as grateful that the Lord loves me so much! Enough to order the small details of my life to teach me to come to Him. Thank you Lord!!
So if there is something you're waiting for. Know that whether that something is coming or not the Lord is using that wait to draw you to Him! John 17:3 says, "This is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent." God is concerned that we know Him and He's willing to take us through things that we might know Him and come out on the other side with a deeper more intimate walk with Him. In that I can rejoice!!!